As a writer one of the things that I’ve always wondered is, “what happens after happily ever after?” And as much as I’ve always had my own theories about what happens to my favorite fiction characters once they’ve galloped off into the sunset, I never thought I would be experiencing that in my own life.
But, now that the wedding day bells have slowly quieted, and the honeymoon bliss has slowly given way to the regular day-to-day goings on, I’ve realized that while most people consider weddings the end of the fairy tale romance it’s really just the beginning.
Newlywed life especially the first few weeks and months is nothing short of its own kind of epic fairy tail adventure.
Ironically, the matriarchs in my life were oddly silent about this “after happily ever after” that I’m now experiencing with my husband. I got lots of advice about the wedding itself, but when it came to making that adjustment to being newlyweds my very vocal Italian family was surprisingly mute.
Having officially been married for 48 days, I’d like to impart some knowledge to all my engaged brides and soon-to-be married couples, who want some insight into life on the other side of happily ever after.
1.) You will not have sex every night. You may have sex most nights, or many nights, but I guarantee there will be some nights where you’re both exhausted and just aren’t into it. It’s okay. This is normal. So just relax. Sometimes it’s even better to take the time to just enjoy non-sexual physical intimacy with your husband.
2.) For wives that choose to change their name, it is HARD, and time-consuming. I’m still working my way through my name changing paperwork now and I’m not even remotely close to being finished with it. The nice thing is that there are a lot of services popping up to help make the process so much easier. I’m using from Miss to Mrs, which has been amazingly helpful.
3.) Fighting does not mean your marriage is doomed. My husband and I had been together almost 9 years before we finally got married which means that we were no strangers to disagreeing. What matter is how you approach conflict and most importantly how you choose to resolve it. There’s a lot of truth to the phrase “don’t go to bed angry.” That can be as literal as simply apologizing before you climb into bed together. Sometimes you will be REALLY mad with each other. In those moments do your best to remember why you love this person. Yea they have their things that drive you nuts, but the reasons why you chose this person above all other people matters.
4.) Establish good prayer habits with your spouse early on. Over the course of your marriage, you will need to make a lot of important decisions. Some of these decisions will be easy, some will not have any clear resolution, or you’ll even be presented with some decisions with no clear positive outcome. Establishing a foundation of prayer, and a reliance on God early on in your marriage will help carry you through the numerous moments when you’ll need to discern the best solution together as a team. You can’t go wrong when you make God a part of your marriage, rely on His guidance and presence in your married life, and it’ll bring peace to many of your early stressful decisions as a married couple.
5.)Never stop romancing your spouse. There’s a tendency to let things slide once the vows have been said and the honeymoon is over. Take care of your physical and emotional health. You may have an overwhelming feeling to care and provide for your spouse, that’s a great, but most of the time your husband or wife will be afraid of things stopping or changing in your relationship. Reinforcing that foundation of romance with your spouse will also quiet any insecurities or fears and allow them to adjust more easily to married life.
6.) It’s an adjustment. This may sound obvious, but I really can’t stress it enough. And the challenges you will have to adjust to will be different for every couple. Just the scheduling, acclimating to the day-to-day, the getting into a routine it’s gonna take time, and it’s gonna be difficult. This will be hard for you. And while you’re in the process of becoming comfortable keep in mind that your spouse is also adjusting to this too. You will both make mistakes that annoy the crap out of each other. Be patient, you’re both trying hard, do what you can to respond in love. You’re newbies at this! It’s okay if you don’t always get it right!